An emotionally intelligent husband knows when to accept influence from his wife. By accepting her influence, he increases the chances that he and his wife will share a long and happy marriage. Emotional intelligence is measured by two components. It begins with a person’s ability to recognize, understand and manage their own emotions. With this foundation, […]
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A husband and wife who focus on each other’s negative behaviors are doing what comes naturally. It’s a valuable survival instinct hardwired into the brain. As good as this negativity bias is for survival, a couple who permits it to operate unchecked becomes dissatisfied with their relationship. They fail to notice or lose sight of […]
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Sometimes we step into sensitive areas by mistake and our spouse gets upset. We call it “touching a raw nerve” or “pushing a button.” Many marriage counselors refer to it as a “regrettable incident.” Regrettable incidents occur when an otherwise benign action by one spouse triggers a misfire of a negative emotional reaction from the other. […]
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I got angry with my wife for emptying the dishwasher. Normally, that doesn’t happen. In a few seconds, a misguided comment between a husband and wife can explode into a conflict. One or both are in hurry to end the discussion, they’re tired, or their message gets lost in their inability to use the right words. My […]
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Sixty-two percent of adults say sharing of household chores is very important to marital success, according to a Pew Research Center poll. But what are husbands and wives to do when they get stuck with chores they don’t like to do? They may carry on for years, silent about their unhappiness or complaining, but doing […]
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My wife and I didn’t talk about physical fitness in our marriage for many years. Like many adults, I added pounds to my waistline as I aged. I’ve since taken those pounds off, but for a few years I was 30 pounds over the recommended weight for my height. My wife never commented on my fat. […]
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Avoid getting into a habit of trying to cheer up or calm down your spouse when he or she is upset. Your good intentions might lower your odds of having a happy marriage. Let’s turn the tables for a moment. Think about that last time you felt upset and someone tried to cheer you up or […]
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Pay attention to your body next time you and your spouse get into an argument. What is your physical reaction to marital conflict? In many marriages, verbal conflicts sometimes set off a fight-or-flight or faint-or-freeze response in one or both spouses. These physical reactions are automatic. We don’t consciously choose to activate them. We do need […]
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Many couples fall out of sync. Without warning, life events disrupt the rhythm that helped them stay in harmony. Pride, strong emotions, marital and work-related stress, and different communication styles often make it difficult to reconnect. Meet Ryan and Alyssa, a married couple struggling with connection. Ryan’s success in his job was such an event. He zeroed […]
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Conflict can have damaging effects on a marriage. But the damage is not caused by husbands and wives disagreeing with each other. The damage is caused by how husbands and wives handle their disagreements. At the University of California, Berkeley, researchers Aimee Gordon and Serena Chen collected data in seven different studies of romantically attached couples. […]
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