Using this Word Ignites Marital Conflict

Using this Word Ignites Marital Conflict1 min read

Satisfied spouses avoid using this word. This word’s overuse results in unnecessary marital conflict. When the word I used to the extreme it cultivates marital dissatisfaction.

Husbands and wives who use this word a lot shut the door to intimacy. They undermine the possibility of romance in their relationship.

Remember what it was like when...

Recall a time in your relationship when you and your spouse enjoyed time together, enjoyed talking about each other’s dreams and listened with interest. Recall a time when you encouraged each other and celebrated each other’s achievements.

The word you used most often then was Yes.

  • Yes, let’s do that together.
  • Yes, you should pursue that dream.
  • Yes, let’s go to church together.
  • Yes, let’s spend the rest of our lives together.
  • Yes, let’s make out.
  • Yes, let’s make love.
  • Yes, let’s sleep in.
  • Yes, let’s go there.
  • Yes, let’s have a child.
  • Yes, let’s live here for a while.

Then, somewhere, somehow, many spouses begin to replace Yes with No.

Is this what you're saying?

Used too often, No can be devastating to a relationship. No ends the discussion before it begins. No says, “I’m not interested.” No says, “I’m not even curious about what that would be like.” No says your dreams don’t matter to me. No says, we’re no longer partners–it’s me against you.

What much more satisfying would your marriage be if you ​say Yes more than you ​say No?

What much more satisfying would your #marriage be if you say Yes more than you say No?

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Jon Beaty

I'm a counselor, writer and believer in the power of God to help you thrive in your marriage and family. I live with my family, a small herd of Boer goats, and thousands of honeybees near Portland, Oregon.

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